THIS JUST IN…………….

FROM THE CHEAP FLUTES DIV. OF QUERENCIA WOODWINDS ……….. Almost everybody’s fired. Easy to do, since they were mostly just me ….. but the alcoholic monkey. He stays, because he still does my books.

There are over one hundred … and counting … folks that can build and market a basic NA style flute. I’ve decided to forget trying to become one of them. Buy your first few flutes from these folks. If you thereafter lose interest, and give it to your dog for a chew treat, you’re not going to jump off an overpass because of what you paid for it, and your dog will have something swell to do for about ten minutes. You can even make a great video of your dog … or perhaps your child … gnawing on the flute, and I get to keep my demons at bay by creating works of art that make noise. Way more fun for me, less expensive for you.

On another note, for those folks in the United States who live in California, and might be interested in purchasing one of my flutes … I need you to move out of state first, and I’ll tell you why. Although the monkey does the books, I have to do the state tax paperwork and sign it, because the monkey can’t write his name, which incidentally is Bon Bon. When you’re in California and purchase a flute from my website, PayPal knows you’re in California … I don’t know how … but then charges you sales tax. Now I don’t have a problem with reporting/paying sales tax, because this state is broke. But every year, I screw up the reporting. Depending upon where you live, I have to figure district, city and county taxes as well, and invariably, after submitting all this stuff, with a tax payment, I get a phone call from some nice lady in Sacramento, asking if perhaps a monkey did my taxes. On average, I only sell a couple of flutes a year to folks in California, so the revenue generated by MY business is not going to turn around a state economy that is in shambles. What I propose is this. Pack your laptop, and take a road trip to say, Las Vegas. Buy a flute and I’ll ship it to your hotel. OR, send some cash to grandma in Iowa, have her buy the flute, and then ship it back to you. Better yet, go visit grandma and get your flute, since you haven’t seen her in about a decade anyway.

FROM THE FLUTE CARE DEPT. OF QUERENCIA WOODWINDS…

Starting yesterday, I’ll be contracting with Ed Dougherty, of http://www.treeoflifedesigns.com/, to provide my clients with samplers of a very special flute wax he mixes up in small batches at home in his kitchen. Specifically, he did a lot of experimentation to come up with an FDA safe beeswax formula combining aromatherapy essential oils, with antiviral and antifungal properties as well. He currently makes a Tea Tree/orange formula, Lavender/lemongrass, and unscented beeswax with sweet almond … I suggested he could probably whip up beeswax and Vaporub for folks with a cold …… My ideas are not always good ideas. Anyway, I’ll be including a quarter ounce sampler, and if you love it, (I know your flute will love it), you can order a fifty-gallon drum or whatever from Ed. I don’t plan to carry it because I don’t want to go to the Post Office that often.

FACEBOOK, PHONES AND THE PONY EXPRESS….

At the urging of family, and some flute folks. I joined Facebook, to “network.” I don’t even want to network. I might “network” if I didn’t have to also type. I’m a great typist, I just don’t like doing it. Anyway I joined this thing and within 30 minutes, my email in- box went from a very comfy “empty” to THIRTY TWO MESSAGES. It was spinning like the read-out on a gas pump. Apparently, within half a day, I’ve become friends with a lot of folks I’ve never met before in my life. The odds are good there’s at least one serial child killer among them. If you’re not familiar with it, Facebook will scour your email address book and turn EVERYBODY in it into potential best friends or something. THEN, it will try to introduce second generation folks…who don’t know you, but know one of the folks in your address book. If you make one of these people your friend … they of course have friends, and now you have another common friend which is the person you don’t know, and you start collecting third generation people you don’t know, as friends. I’m no genius, BUT potentially, your buddy list will expand geometrically, to eventually include MILLIONS of people. That means millions of emails, millions of birthdays you have to remember, flow charts you have to draw, trying to figure out who’s who … you get the picture. It’s very complicated, and they don’t send you a pamphlet. I like pamphlets.

I don’t even like phones. I have a cell phone, but the only way I can keep the battery from going dead is to keep it turned off. So I do. I should probably just store it in a desk drawer as well, so I don’t lose it. Instant communication is highly overrated. If I can be contacted in real time, somebody is going to want me to do something, or pay something … in real time. In my next life, I want to come back around 1860, but not as a horse. They all had to work too hard since they were the agreed-upon beast of burden. However, speaking of horses, the Pony Express was the communication ticket. With the Pony Express, folks didn’t have to act on ANYTHING for four to six weeks, if at all. Plus when your message did arrive, it was with a pony you could pet for a few minutes before actually doing something about your message. Life was good.

Well, I think I’ve said enough. Have a great Spring.